Take the leap

Go, Live

Can love be an adventure? Yes, and maybe the scariest and most rewarding adventure of all.

Let me explain. I am not speaking about singles night or getting laid or some kind of lustful hunting action here. I am talking about real, authentic love where you put everything on the line and dive into a relationship in hopes that you find and share that one thing more precious than any metal or stone – Love.

Love is simply a form of energy that makes the world go round. It is what we all need to give as well as receive. Love needs to flow through us. When it doesn’t, when we block it with our darkness, our baggage, we have problems. Love comes in many forms. I feel love when I shoot the mightiest of landscapes and I feel it when I look into her eyes. But one thing is certain, love flows in and out of my heart. And it took me some time to get that flow flowing like a river again.

I had lots of baggage blocking the river and once it was let go and the flow of love was restored, my whole life changed. I will speak more on how I did that in later posts but it had to do with a form of meditation called heart rhythm meditation (HRM), feeling everything, becoming authentic and miles and miles of gravel. Until the flow was restored though, relationships would always be lacking because I was not whole yet. And let me also say that I am a work in progress and always will be, but I have had breakthroughs, spiritual and emotional that have changed me in miraculous ways. I will also discuss all that in later posts.

Also I want to explain that I am not speaking of someone completing me or making me happy. I came to a very important realization that everything I was seeking was already inside of me, that I am complete. I am whole. I am divine at my core. I had just forgotten along the journey of life who I really was – a divine being, complete in every way. You are too. Once I realized this and removed the darkness from my heart, people took notice of me without me doing anything. It has to do with energy and my energy level went from darkness (low) to light (high) in the past year. It was a painful process but worth every moment.

And for me it took one final thing. Love from another. Love is an amazing and powerful thing. I had all this knowledge and I knew who I was and I was on the right track, but my heart was blocked and barely a drip of love, real love flowed from there. There was darkness in there. I had built walls and stored fears in there since I was in Middle School. I had no idea how to get rid of all that and maybe didn’t even realize it was there. But then I was loved and I can’t get into details here (although I am writing a book on this whole process) but it was a fast and furious relationship that started and ended quickly but it acted like a heart cleanse for me. What I mean is that the love I received opened up my heart and the ending of that amazing relationship put me in a place that was dark but led to a major breakthrough in consciousness because I allowed myself to feel everything and worked through it using HRM. In a very sudden way, all the darkness and negativity I was holding onto left my heart completely. I actually physically felt it leave. It was a breakthrough like I have never experienced. It was a miraculous thing that I will write about later. I say all this now to tell you I am finally at a point in life that the love, once again, is flowing in and out of my heart and I am ready to dive into life.

As I tried to explain to some of my women work friends not too long ago, I am not going to work at all to find a relationship. They thought I was being a total douchebag by saying that. But what I mean is that I am not in the business of dating and working hard to get into another relationship. I have things I need to do in life so if I am meant to find someone it will happen organically – like on a bike ride or race or tour or at Mulready’s or something. There will be a connection and if that happens, then I will look into it. But until then, I do not feel the need to work at finding a relationship. For me anyway, that just doesn’t seem healthy. My fatbike and I are really close and that is good enough for now.

But something did happen. A connection was made. And now I am going to pursue and find out more about it.

Love is like an ocean. Most people stay on the beach. It is beautiful there. People vacation there. But the water is shallow and not much can be learned about the ocean (love) by staying on the beach. One must go beyond the crashing waves and dive deep into the dark, uncertain waters to find the real treasures that hide in the depths. I am no longer living by fear and I look at a relationship, at love, as something to dive into wholeheartedly, knowing the Universe has something amazing waiting for me there. I am not scared of hurt or pain because I know that is where real learning occurs and if not looked at as “bad” the pain of love is just as beautiful as the ecstasy of love. I am also of the mindset that I could die tomorrow or even before I even finish this post. Why waste time? If I love someone I am going to tell them. And I am going to jump into the ocean and see what treasures await me. So I am not going to be with the faint hearted and if by chance I found someone willing to dive in with me then we will flip any fears the middle finger and dive in!

And finally, I need to point out, before getting into where I am headed this weekend, that I am not rushing into anything. I did not want to rush into a relationship so I made a pretty big list in my head on who “she” would be. The physical aspects of “the list” are just icing because one cannot base a future relationship solely on physical characteristics but she would have to be someone I was physically attracted to and therefore beautiful. But as you can imagine the creator of the Adventure Monkey would also need someone that could handle, no, that craved adventure. Riding 100 miles of gravel would not be too much to ask of her and a bikepacking trip through the mountains would have to sound like a glorious vacation to her ears. Health and wellness should be important as well as an earth-loving attitude. A great smile and a love for laughter are a must as well as a deep, loving mindset or I should say heartset. Oh and being OK, even thriving with vulnerability and lack of security in that a trip for six months to a year or longer by RV or bike would sound nicer than a mortgage and savings. This woman surely did not exist.

Well let me tell you friend, when you surrender to life and put yourself out there things happen. Serendipitous happenings abound and it seems as if you are finally moving with the flow of the Universe. And that is where I find myself because I may have found “her.”

How did I meet her? I have known her for about ten years but we physically met up again (who would’ve guessed?) on a bike ride. I didn’t go on this ride thinking anything would become of it besides some miles of gravel and maybe a decent conversation, but a connection was made out there in the Flint Hills as the wheels were spinning. In fact it was a very strong connection. She is the most adventurous woman I have known in real life (like not by her blog or whatever) and definitely meets all those silly things on my “impossible” list up there but what really matters is the connection that happened. Life is about connections. Relationships are about a connection. And the connection I felt when we talked and when I looked into her kind eyes was definitely well above the friend zone to be sure.

So as any good, authentic Adventure Monkey would, even without vacation days or much of a plan, I purchased a ticket to go see about this connection. What is the use of waiting? So tomorrow, I am headed to the bicycle friendly Pacific Northwest region of the U.S. I go armed with my small camera, my sweet iPhone and an open heart. Wouldn’t you know, she has a DSLR in case I need really good quality pictures as she is a part time photographer and a really good one at that. This adventure into a relationship is as exciting as any adventure I have been on to be sure. And that is what life is all about – the adventurous journey.

Feed Your Monkey!
Eric

 

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1 Year 2 Wheels: 7 months in
Back from Seattle: a connection is made

Eric Benjamin

Owner/Operator of Adventure Monkey

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