OK, that headline is an impossibility unless there is something seriously wrong with you so maybe we should talk about how to tolerate the Cubicle Lifestyle. 

If you don’t know what I mean when I write “cubicle lifestyle,” then your life is probably one full of excitement and adventure. Maybe you get to work outside or with your hands most of the time. Maybe you are just a beach bum or perhaps you grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth and don’t have to get a job. Maybe you are an artist that makes money shooting landscapes or a painter painting…Oh sorry. I started to daydream there for a second.

 Scott Adams  brought the cubicle lifestyle into the open when he started drawing the Dilbert comic strip. The cubicle Lifestyle was also featured in the movie, Office Space. It goes without saying I am a huge fan of both.

Many of us today are reading these very words while sitting in our cube wishing for escape, hand on the mouse ready to click back to the spreadsheet or Word document if someone in charge pops into our cube.

We can’t all escape the cube and some of us may have to live in a cube for most of our lives. So how can we spend all this time in a cube farm without losing it? Here’s some choices:

1.  Stop reading this, stand up and walk into the bosses office and quit your job.

This is the fastest way to escape but comes at a pretty steep price of not having a job. Having a job can suck. Not having a job is wonderful until your kid pulls on your pant leg asking for food and the best you can do is pull some lint out of your pocket.

2.  Find your passion. Turn it into a business. Then refer back to #1.

Don’t kid yourself, owning a business is a lot of work, but so rewarding. If you have the cahones quit dreaming and start planning.

3.  Find a new job

This may seem like a great idea until you find out that the cubicle lifestyle exists at just about every corporate workplace. Maybe finding a new profession is a better idea.

Those three were exit strategies, here’s some strategies to make the best out of your current situation:

4.  Feed Your Monkey!

Have a life outside of work. Make sure it consists of getting off the couch, getting outside and feeding your monkey. Your body is not made to be inactive. Your spirit is not meant to be quenched by artificial lighting (including the TV). Find an event that will stretch you physically and enter it. Go train for that run, swim, race, tough mudder or whatever. Stretching yourself physically feeds you mentally too.

The sense of accomplishment you will find by finishing that race, run, climb or whatever will make you feel much more confident at work as you pass the out of breath people up the stairs. And you know what? I feel pretty badass knowing that I finished a 200 mile gravel road race. It makes work issues seem as insignificant as they really are.

5. Decorate your office to remind yourself and others that you are a person.

Thanks to my wife I just added a new trophy to my cubicle that makes me smile every time I look at it. It pokes fun of “the man” without saying a word. It’s my shiny new red Swingline stapler. It gave me the idea for this post too.

If you don’t get this, then you need to watch Office Space.

I am thinking of doing some small, postcard sized landscape and cycling prints with sayings just for people to hang in their cubes as an escape or a reminder. What do you think?

6. Develop a rich sense of sarcasm

This is a valuable source of comedy to the one using it correctly. When deep into the martial arts of sarcasm, you can make fun of someone’s ludicrous idea or statement to their face without even being mean. It flies over their head, but you find it easier to smile after you deliver the dose of pure sarcasm. Just be careful to not fall to the dark side of sarcasm. The dark side is strong but it pulls you deep into a negative state of mind. So yes, what I am saying is you need to become a Jedi in the sarcasm arts.

7. Stay away from the water cooler polluters

You know these people. They are always complaining about things out of their control. They are paralyzed and powerless to make any sort of difference around them. They choose to let circumstances determine their moods. They give over all their power and try to drag you down with them. Do all you can to stay away from these life sucking cubicle zombies. When you do have to interact with them make sure to talk about the 5K or 50 mile ride or whatever that you just did last weekend. Leave them in their eye-rolling disgust.

I am sure I am forgetting some more strategies. Go ahead and add yours in the comments below. I am getting off this computer to go change the brake pads on my XC bike.

Feed Your Monkey!
Eric